After last night, I could never be a politician.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
