Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
