Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
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