I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
