and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
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they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
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If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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