there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
