i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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