The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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