So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
