I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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