I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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