someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
