The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Those nachos came to me in a dream