i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
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