i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
