He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.