The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Houston, we have a squirter
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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