I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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