wanna go halves on a baby?
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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