her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize