She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
