We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
The air was thick with penises
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
