You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
try to milk me bitch
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