i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
