lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
