before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
