He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
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you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
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Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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