I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
We got so high we made milksteak
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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