Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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