I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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