He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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