The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
