like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
True strength comes from lack of pants
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
