1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize
