My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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