You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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