I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
