He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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