when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
