We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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