I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
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