I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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