dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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