just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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