when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
