I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
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