oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
i just had sex bonerless
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
