can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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