I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
