If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize