I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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