btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
