This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
