my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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