We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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