My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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