I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I intend to get homeless drunk
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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