I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
