he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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