so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
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