i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
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