seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
