I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
NoShamevember. You game?
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
