I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
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