We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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