My underwear smells like fireworks.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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