Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Randomize