You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize
