I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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