don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
