C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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