She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize