Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
