God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize