That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
