They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
