Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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