No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
