u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
pop tarts are not kleenex
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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