All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Randomize
