My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Randomize
