Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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