is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
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