The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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