i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Randomize
